Talent Show Buzz Kill
Grade 10. A talent show was announced.
The day of the auditions I decided I would perform Mariah Carey’s ‘Hero’. Energy was high and enthusiastic cheers and claps accompanied each performance.
And then I arrived, like the Angel of Death ready to plunge hearts and ears into despair.
Like a boy going through puberty, I croaked through each chorus and SHRIEKED in a fashion I assumed was very reminiscent of Celine Dion on speed.
My hands gestured wildly like a schizophrenic pigeon trying to tell a story. Nothing made any sense.
The next rehearsal, I decided a more appropriate song would be REM’s ‘Everyone hurts.’ No one quite knew what to say and I took that to mean they were clearly awestruck. It was inconceivable that I was anything but magnificent. Later that night I decided that what the audience needed was me WITHOUT the distraction of background music.
The great night arrived. The week before I decided to do an A capella version of Vanessa William’s ‘ Save the Best for Last.’ And so it was my turn. Suddenly common sense arrived, I realized my choice of song would probably be more appropriate for a room full of deaf and non judgmental dementia patients.
But the show had to go on.I walked on stage and froze and stood by the curtains. The audience was clearly confused. Where was this wheezing and cackling coming from? My voice was trapped and I managed to choke out a few lack lustre lines before fleeing the stage.
Grade 11. Another talent show was announced.A chance to redeem myself and be relevant.What was needed here was a power ballad and who better than PHIL COLLINS to provide that. This would be my chance to shine. To shake of the dust of my previous failures. To emerge like a warrior. I would be the voice for the damned downtrodden. I was RAMBO.
note: i’ll like to make it clear that i was not wearing a loin cloth
I stood before my enraptured audience. Like a roaring tempest, there was no stopping me. Warbling punctuated by yelps and screeches. It was memorable to say the least.
Talent show was canceled the next year.
The end.
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